So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
