Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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