i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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