Umm I'm too high to move.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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