She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He did a backflip because drugs
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize