I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
