Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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