I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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