He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
