Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
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We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize