I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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