So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
