I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
