You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
