Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
