Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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