So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
