i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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