I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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