Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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