If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
