just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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