I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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