i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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