My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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