I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize