Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he told me I talked like a deaf person
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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