You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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