Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Is it because I queefed?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
