Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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