how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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