Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
