at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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