It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
