My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
