The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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