We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
40s are totally the cure
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
