While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
