I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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