dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Operation Purity has been aborted
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize