hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
