i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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