Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
