there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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