Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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