If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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