its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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