i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
