when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
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I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
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My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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