ADVERTISEMENT

• (905): View more from Toronto

  Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke

  Fav 33 3406 882

  share tweet
  

• (561): View more from Florida

  I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.

  Fav 4 699 2757

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am

  Fav 6 5136 1108

  share tweet
  

• (407): View more from Florida

  If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you

  Fav 21 1316 4748

  share tweet
  
• 

  These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (703): View more from Virginia

  we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.

  Fav 37 20225 1324

  share tweet
  

• (563): View more from Iowa

  he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes

  Fav 22 1685 5362

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (210): View more from Texas

  I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.

  Fav 16 3390 1268

  share tweet
  

• (847): View more from Illinois

  looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!

  Fav 1 1895 874

  share tweet
  

• (270): View more from Kentucky

  no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake

  Fav 5 2676 1025

  share tweet
  
• 

  These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (309): View more from Illinois

  Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning

  Fav 13 2564 1108

  share tweet
  

• (509): View more from Washington

  And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid

  Fav 9 3783 1000

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (770): View more from Georgia

  If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Touche.

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.

  Fav 6 4316 1226

  share tweet
  

• (828): View more from North Carolina

  I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.

  Fav 11 1283 732

  share tweet
  

• (501): View more from Arkansas

  somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit

  Fav 3 1521 694

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (507): View more from Minnesota

  You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs

  Fav 2 2310 779

  share tweet
  

Randomize