Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend