This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
