Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.