see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
