Texts From Last Night

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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"

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  (570): so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses" http://tfl.nu/fgtz
  Replies (13) Good night (4629) Bad night (1006)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.

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  (703): Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor. http://tfl.nu/fx2a
  Replies (4) Good night (2846) Bad night (1803)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.

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  (203): Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end. http://tfl.nu/e1gy
  Replies (56) Good night (8953) Bad night (1506)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.

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  (505): Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold. http://tfl.nu/drpi
  Replies (6) Good night (1593) Bad night (647)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.

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  (940): you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can. http://tfl.nu/3ex5
  Replies (7) Good night (830) Bad night (919)
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  (661): View more from California

  I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.

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  (661): I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere. http://tfl.nu/qnta
  Replies (12) Good night (1927) Bad night (459)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.

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  (314): he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it. http://tfl.nu/ukah
  Replies (3) Good night (1382) Bad night (562)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.

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  (224): We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods. http://tfl.nu/n3ep
  Replies (3) Good night (1808) Bad night (406)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.

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  (785): Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock. (785): I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice. http://tfl.nu/kw5d
  Replies (9) Good night (1542) Bad night (519)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.

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  (502): I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon. http://tfl.nu/32fk
  Replies (2) Good night (697) Bad night (590)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten

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  (904): Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten http://tfl.nu/vxzl
  Replies (2) Good night (973) Bad night (281)
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  (760): View more from California

  Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun

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  (760): Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun http://tfl.nu/taap
  Replies (8) Good night (1135) Bad night (287)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.

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  (303): Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now. http://tfl.nu/crnu
  Replies (2) Good night (323) Bad night (1009)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.

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  (775): That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed. http://tfl.nu/y3pb
  Replies (9) Good night (253) Bad night (903)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.

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  (215): When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed. http://tfl.nu/vxku
  Replies (4) Good night (631) Bad night (192)

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