My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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