you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house