Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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