things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
