Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
