i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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