Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
