I'm jealous of your bromance
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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