I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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