There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
