he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
