I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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