My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
