My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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