Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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