...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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