I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
