maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
