loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
So. Much. Porn.
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