I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
