I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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