How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The power of my boobs compel you
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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