last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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