Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
