my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I need mimosas to revive my soul
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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