very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
