Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
