Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
