I've blown a few things in my day
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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